Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tangled
~*~

There is no coherence in this writing, I reckon. Anyway, just let me express my frustrations. I've held onto these for quite sometime.

I'm not really in to the habit of complaining, you see. I can go on doing my usually hard tasks without even uttering a single word under my breath. You can make me do anything and I'll do it for you gladly.

But that was 4 years ago.

Now, I cuss at the slightest mistakes. I use swear words as often as I can, so often compared to saying a prayer *sigh*. Mama would be really furious if she reads this. I grumble at the simple things my parents ask me to do. I can't last a day without dwelling on the thought of how life has been punishing me for the past few months. I won't let a day pass by without sighing for simpler times.

And I feel so different. This isn't me, I know. Everything has suddenly become so chaotic, unpleasant, complicated and distressing, and I don't even know if it's the world or just me. I am being the grumpy person I used to hate. I have become, suddenly, angst-ridden. And I've become more serious than ever. Great.

Darn! I wish I could find logical consistencies and reasons for all these. I've been tangled in a web of inconsistencies lately and I hate me for that. My clear thinking has been obscured. I hope this is just one of my compensatory mechanisms.

~*~

s0c wrote at 5:47 PM