Jam Sessions

Toxic-an portion ito

2005-07-09T12:26:00.000+08:00

For a reason I cannot put my finger onto, I get tired and bored easily. I would whine repeatedly when the room is so hot, which is no longer new to me since it is my 3rd year in PLM. I've gotten used to the haggard-look we all 'sported' when we use the GK Third floor classrooms. Hay... Plus, I'd be super lazy after a class that I won't even entertain the urge to pee because I just don't feel like standing and walking. I guess I'm having problems with my attention span and I really wouldn't like that because I'm in third year now. I can't just talk to a seatmate, answer a crossword puzzle and read horoscopes from Inquirer Libre whenever I find someone talking as not-so-interesting in the middle of a class. I can't do that anymore as bigger responsibilities lay ahead.
There's also this task I've been assigned to do that almost made me cry out of despair. I've been looking for it since Monday but to no avail. We are to submit it yesterday and I've just completed the written report at 3am, Friday morning! To add up to that, I have a class in MCN-2 at 7am and I woke up at 5:30am because I was so sleepy I couldn't open my eyes even if I want to. Just imagine that, for 6 agonizing hours, I have to fight the urge to sleep out of fear that my professor might see me. I was already closing my eyes as they felt heavy. I'd fall asleep easily if I just stare at something, say for 10 secs. That was really awful.
After the 6-hour class in MCN-2, we have to hang around for 3 more hours for our Pharmacology class. I want to sleep but there's no perfect place for my siesta. To kill time, we played 'Killer-killer' with our new blockmates. It was a game from our elementary years, if I remember it right and there we were, playing it again. It was amusing if you would ask me because one has to look around carefully so as to keep the game rolling. I hate being the police or doctor because of the responsibilities they have in the game. As the police, you have to arrest the killer so the killings would stop. As the doctor, you have to help those who were killed by reviving them. Just look at that. It was fun, really.
I feel like I'm not in the mood to study this semester. My colds won't go away and it has been with me since June 25. Grrr... I'm having a hard time breathing because of it and I've been creating and tending to my worries since... darn, I really don't know.
Just reading this post will take you nowhere. It is just a reflection of how tired and confused I am.
To make things worse, I miss the gang so much. Ava, Gene and I don't get to see them often. We only see each other on Wednesdays for a couple of minutes since their class ends at 10am while we have to spent the rest of the day in PLM. I feel so sad, really. It's a good thing Bien still remembers to call me, at least I get the chance to be updated with the latest. AH!!! I MISS THEM BADLY! :(
I think I won't enjoy this semester AGAIN. The only thing that keeps me going as of now is the fact that I'm sitting next to my friends and I'd be thinking that, 'Hey, things won't be that bad'.
Here's more. To add up to the loneliness, despair, boredom and stress I am currently nursing, my idiotic half is sending me signs of her surfacing again. Now, I am trying my best not to show it. I miss him, too, of course. We talk to each other if time permits it and that makes me happy a bit.
I guess I need a break. A break in the middle of the semester.
Sa totoo lang, hindi na dapat bago sa 'kin 'to, pero ewan ko...

I MISS THIS ONE SOOOOO MUCH!

And you call that a hospital?!

2005-07-04T15:20:00.000+08:00

Today, we were asked by our clinical instructors to go to the Gat Andres Memorial Hospital in Tondo for the orientation. I don't have an idea of where it is, which somehow makes me feel that I am still my usual self. Anyway...
When Ava and I reached the place, we were surprised with what we saw. I wasn't expecting a hospital to be in that kind of location. The pungent odor is unbelievable as it smelled of garbage and even rotten eggs! How can patients get well in this kind of environment?
As we entered the hospital, Ava and I agreed that this is better than the Ospital ng Maynila. As we made our way to the 6th floor where the orientation will take place, we began to see for ourselves the many flaws of the hospital. It looked like an abandoned place to me since I didn't get to see many people. Where are the nurses? Where are the doctors that one usually sees in a hospital? It didn't look like a hospital at all.
When the orientation began, our class was surprised with what we have heard. The hospital was built in 1998 but it looked older than that. It is also a tertiary hospital and I heard myself saying, 'Talaga?'. It is a free hospital and usually caters to those who live in Tondo.
Here's more. The reason why we don't get to see nurses is that they only have a few nurses since most of them decided to go abroad. As for the doctors (if I remember the story right), the hospital has 4 of them but because of the increased demand for nurses abroad, some of them went back to school to earn a degree in Nursing and went abroad. Presently, they are still blessed because ONE decided to stay. That means the doctor is in charge of everything. Imagine that.
I felt bad after the orientation because of what I've heard. And everyone still calls it a hospital. I'm surprised that it can still cater to its patients' needs despite the situation. What will happen if the remaining doctor decides to go, too?
This has got me thinking that if majority of the Nursing graduates will all go abroad, what is left for the Philippines? The number of doctors in our country is fast depleting too as they opt to go to back to school and work as a nurse in another country.
As for me, I still don't have a concrete plan of what I want to do after college but I am trying to look into myself and check my values and the things I prioritize. I will continue doing this introspection so that hopefully, I will be able to answer this question myself.
O, seryoso na naman :)

Change is good

2005-06-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

Two days had passed since that exceptionally lovely day and it is only now that I was able to write my thoughts about it. You see, I was sick (and still is, I guess) since Saturday afternoon. I was at the middle of one of the most awaited ceremony of my college years -the Capping and Candle Lighting Ceremony- when I had this fever due to my darn cold. Nonetheless, I managed to get through it without fainting (I was on the verge, I know).
That ceremony is worth the time I lost from my vacation. Like the genius Zandra, I wasn't able to watch some of the episodes of my favorite animes as well. It wasn't solemn, if you would ask me, but that would be fine with me. We were being scolded in front of our parents by Ma'am Cleto and I find it funny. There were instances where we acted like we didn't know what to do, as if it wasn't coordinated to us days before. I thought that ceremony would be a fiasco but it didn't turn out like that, thank God. All of us were very excited to have our caps (for the girls) and pins (for the boys) and that was the most awaited part of the whole event. We clapped our hands and cheered for our friends as they were called. It was just, well, inspiring in a way. Having your cap is like having an inspiration to go on with what you are doing, no matter how hard it is.
I enjoyed the whole ceremony and all those students who cried as they were approaching their parents was truly something to behold. For reasons I don't know, I didn't even have the slightest urge to shed a tear. Not that I'm saying that it's ridiculous to cry. Just wondering...
I can't recall the exact emotion I was experiencing at that time. Sure, I got bored of the hour-long speech by the University President (but I enjoyed listening to some of it) and got irritated because of the long wait. Wala lang..
When the ceremony ended, my friends and I met so we could have our pictures taken. I loved that one since we all looked, well, DIFFERENT, as if we're ready to take on greater responsibilities ;)
That ends this nonsense post. Thanks much for the time you spent for this one.
Cheers.

A mentally-challenged caller

2005-06-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

I was alone at home for 2 hours and I did nothing worthwhile during that time. I started to read again a part of one of my favorite books (The Naked face by Sidney Sheldon). It's actually about a psychoanalyst who got into trouble because of a patient. The whole house was quiet, and the only thing I can hear is the sound of the clock's second hand and my own breathing. As I was carefully reading my favorite lines, the darn phone suddenly rang and I almost dropped the book from my hand. My heart was pounding hard on my chest.
Anyway, I answered it at that instant. The voice from the other line sounded silly and I thought he's just one of my good friends. I mentioned names and even told the caller to stop the annoying act. He knew we had a caller ID and even told me that I should be able to guess who he is. I told him that it doesn't have any batteries at the moment and even called me (or was it the caller ID?) stupid. He then aborted our conversation all of a sudden. I was slightly confused since the call has got me thinking who that person is. The prank caller called again and carried out his 'mission': to freak me out and annoy me. I admit I got a bit scared since I was alone. Plus, to make things better, my ever-creative imagination worked all of a sudden and my paranoiac tendencies surfaced out. Great. My imagination is enough to scare the hell out of me.
There's nothing so remarkable about it, really. Maybe I'm just over-reacting but the person knows a lot about me and I still don't have an idea of the caller's identity. So much for that.
Anyhow, that doesn't matter.

Darn migraine

2005-06-11T15:19:00.000+08:00

Man, my vacation will be over soon! Anyway, I really didn't experience this year the luxury of having a summer vacation because of the various preparations we have to attend to just so we can have a solemn and unforgettable Capping and Candle Lighting Ceremony. Oh well.
More importantly, I've been experiencing eye-watering migraines the past few days. It started with my vision getting blurry. F'course, I wouldn't think of anything serious at first. I thought I just needed to get some sleep. You see, it has become my habit to stay up late to watch TV or just do anything with the computer. But then, my head always hurts late in the afternoon. It hurts so much that I'd like to throw up. To alleviate the pain, I take analgesics so I could go on with the things I have to do.
Two nights ago, I had a terrible migraine. I felt awful that I couldn't even get up. What I just did was to ask my sister to fetch me a glass of water and an analgesic so I could go to back to sleeping. Man, I felt like I'm dying that night. I even told her that I might not be able to wake up the following day and she gave me the sweetest answer she could afford -- 'Stop acting stupid.' So I was just acting stupid...
I also had a migraine attack last night but it was manageable than the former. Sure, the migraine attack was all that I need to pysch myself up for the first semester. I just hope it would be cooperative by not making me feel nauseous at times when I have to concentrate.
Cheerio.

Some things never change

2005-06-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

Some things never change, really. There's this person who seems to think she has a grasp of everything that is happening around her. She refuses to listen to any explanations for she believes that what she has in mind is the 'absolute truth'. I think I am a very patient person but the patience of a saint is what I don't have.
I'm just like any other person, why can't she see that? I can show the world how upset I am anytime when I feel like exploding. I can't contain all these emotions within me.
Can we all please grow up??? Man, we're on the verge of becoming adults now. Can we stop acting like overgrown adolescents, please?! It really gets on my nerves whenever this happens. You see, I suddenly become impatient when something's that should be really changed yonks ago still dwell on the present.
Dang!

.Crushy.

2005-05-31T16:18:00.000+08:00

Man, I saw my biggest crush today! ;p Yep, my Psychology professor. I'm surprised to know that I still have this temporary romantic attraction for him. Mr. Oliver Sta. Ana is still the usual appealing and interesting guy he has always been for me. He wore a red shirt today and I noticed he has lost some weight and that made him look more adorable. Yuck, ang corny ko na! Yeah, I am soooo corny when it comes to him and you people should get used to it.

I am on cloud nine today and I hope to see him often next semester :D

Dine, dine; tateng-tate, and all that :p

2005-05-28T15:30:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday, May 26, some friends and I left for Laguna for an overnight getaway, mostly financed by Tita Neth (Karen's mom). I was very excited at the thought of it since most of the overnights we had since 1st year college were of academic purposes. Besides, a recently-planned outing with my high school friends was cancelled just last week.

I'm glad that during the whole trip, I didn't have the urge to puke. I get dizzy easily, you see. The sight was just refreshing. It felt so good just to observe the tall trees lining the roads and the lush greenery. I still can't believe that I'm sharing this beautiful sight with some of the people I treasure in this world. (Awww, mushy!) Well, it could've been more complete if all of us were there, not that I feel sad with the fact that he's not there. Okay, enough.

There were 8 of us--Bien, Karen, Maan, Ava, Generose, Trish, Karlo and I. Karen's younger sister, Lyka, was also with us. We arrived at Villa Sotoya in Laguna at around 10 am. The place is way cool! I especially loved the 'artificial waterfalls' where the water is chilly. The place is just fantastic.

Some of us helped Tita Neth in preparing our midday meal while some went swimming right away. I think we spent 6 hours there, just swimming. At around 4pm, we decided to transfer to another resort, 'resort-hopping' according to a friend. We went to Tala Resort near the place where we will be staying when nighttime comes. The place is amazing too! I love seeing the mountain and its contour from there and it's soooo pleasing! Tita Neth and Trish took a lot of pictures. We all love the place, though there was no waterfall. We stayed there up to 8 pm before deciding to eat our dinner.

After dinner, Tita Neth's aunt gave us a 'small treat'. She served us a native liquor called lambanog. I've heard of it from Mama but she prefers tuba over lambanog. According to Trish, lambanog is made of 80% alcohol. Based on what she said, I sure know it's an extra strong drink for young adults. I felt fine with their idea of serving lambanog to us. Each of us was asked to try it and that's where I got scared. Never in my 18 years of existence have I tasted an alcoholic beverage, not even a drop! When my turn came, I bravely gulped the shot of lambanog in front of me, and quickly followed it with half a glass of Sprite as a chaser. It smelled awful, like the commercial rubbing alcohol seen on grocery stores. It tasted really bad, too. I just shook my head after drinking it.

It was followed by another shot. In fact, I think was able to take in 5 teeny-weeny shots of it. After a while, I felt light-headed. My legs felt light, too. I know I'm not drunk, I'm sure of it. I just felt so light that whenever I step my foot, almost all of my body weight will go there and I will eventually lose balance. I'm still sober; it's just that the coordination of my body was partially affected. I guess I was on the verge of becoming drunk, may tama pa lang, as how they call it.

At first, I felt sad because I have lost an 'original part of me', the part of me who has never drunk alcohol in her whole damn life. It may sound silly but I really felt it. But then, after seconds of convincing my other half that there's nothing wrong with it, that I'm old enough to have a taste of an alcoholic beverage and that I'm not going to be drunk, I bid goodbye to the silly emotion. I guess being intoxicated with alcohol for the first time in your life can make you think like an adult in a sense. After the drinking session, we all went to bed, but did not sleep right away.

I fell asleep at around 12 am.

Among us, I guess it was Trish who didn't have the chance to genuinely enjoy the night because of a stupid batch mate. She is soooooo annoying and so are her text messages! She talks trash and doesn't know a thing about camaraderie. She is so selfish and even talked of the need to feel that she really exists! That girl is underestimating our Trish, that's what I'm thinking. Enough of her.

The next morning, as what I've expected, I woke up late but I was not the only one. Karlo, Trish and I woke up at around 7:30 am. They were all waiting for us outside. In fact, I was not able to comb my hair because I have to move fast. Tita Neth will take us for a walk so we can see the place.

It was tiring but fun because we had the chance to eat fresh buko, see some of Bien's friends (kiddin') and walk through slightly slippery trails. They took pictures, of course. After being acquainted with nature, we went back to Tala Resort for a 1-hour swim and then readied ourselves for lunchtime. After filling our stomachs with delectable dishes, we were back on the road again. We went to Liliw to buy slippers because we were told that they sell slippers at a lower price. We even went to an old church, I don't know its name, and said our short prayers there. We also went to see the catacombs in Nagcarlan. I've been there when I was in elementary for a field trip but I can't remember a thing about it. It's a small place and those who were buried underground were priests and cabezas during the Spanish Era.

It's now time for us to go back to Manila and we thanked Tita Neth's aunt for being so nice to us during our stay. We sure enjoyed the trip.

We also had the chance to see Karlo's place in Biñan. We stayed there until Karlo's parents arrived and I must say that their house is really nice and clean. Karlo even played the piano to entertain us since the electricity is out when we arrived, probably because of the heavy rains pouring on that part of Laguna. The stay was short but it was fun-filled ;)

I came home at around 8:30 pm.
Man, I sure would never forget this experience! :D

A leeway, at last!

2005-05-25T15:15:00.000+08:00

Nothing much has happened this past week. We are still working on the upcoming Capping and Candle Lighting Ceremony scheduled to take place on the 25th of June. We've been harboring pressures of all sorts but nonetheless, we are able to work things out. Talk about feline supppleness. I hope that as I write this entry, my very good friend Trish has already come up with a theme to suit the said ceremony.

Setting aside the much-awaited ceremony in our lives as Nursing students, I'm very excited about tomorrow's activity. My college friends and I are going to Laguna for a swimming. Yes, swimming, natuloy din! I've been bugging Mama since January this year to bring us to a beach or even a pool. Thanks to Tita Neth (Karen's mom). It's actually a treat for all of us. I'm really excited, in fact, I've already packed my bag for the big day. Woohoo!

Well, I just hope the whole gang will be there tomorrow. You see, this is the first time that we will be together in a fun activity. I guess it'll be some sort of a celebration so it would be great to have everyone around.

Ta-ta! ;p

Banzai!

2005-05-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

I received a call from Bien at around 3:00pm and it was the call I've been waiting for since the beginning of the week. THE OFFICIAL LIST OF QUALIFIED INCOMING THIRD YEAR BSN STUDENTS HAS ALREADY BEEN POSTED! OhmyGod! The life-changing test result is here! I can't decide whether I should go to school that afternoon or just wait for tomorrow to come. How will I react without a friend beside me if ever my greatest fear as of that time will be confirmed?

Anyway, I decided to go that afternoon.

I was expecting to see a lot of students but there were only 8 of them when I arrived. The building that houses the College of Nursing was so peaceful that afternoon. I hurriedly made my way to the third floor and there it was - a 5-page list of those who are qualified to enrol as third year Nursing students. The sweltering heat at the CN lobby drove my apprehensions away and I was sweating a lot. I only managed to smile faintly when I saw my name and student number. If my friends were there, I'd surely do more than a faint smile.

Here are the others who made it: AGULTO, Jestoni; BULATAO, Generose; LAOAGAN, Patricia; LOPEZ, Karen Jean; NARAL, Bien Carlo; PAR, Karlo Antonio; SUMORTIN, Ava Sharra. Cool! The rest of the gang made it too! Unfortunately, 2 of my ka-tropa didn't make it. Before, we were 11 in the group but when the 2nd term came to a close, a soul bid farewell, so that makes 10. And now, there are only 8 of us. Aside from them, some of our friends didn't make it as well. Some of them deserve to be on the list, we know...

We were all ELATED upon hearing the good news. This calls for a celebration! :D

And that's it for the first half of the more dreadful times to come...

I'll see you guys sa CAPPING! Whoo-hoo! :D

'Eto na Yon!

2005-05-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 4:45 this morning feeling nonchalant. I did my usual morning rituals without thinking of anything about the qualifying exam. It's as if I had the feeling that the exam won't push through.

Anyway, I am very positive that I didn't study so hard to prepare myself for this life-changing exam. Whenever a book is in front of me, it'll only take me a few minutes to read then afterwards, I'd feel this uncontrollable urge to sleep. What's funny is that Mama actually thinks I'm studying really hard because she sees me often falling asleep over a widely spread book! It happens all the time whenever I have mustered the 'courage' to read seriously and I hate me for that. I haven't accomplished anything during the past week, really. It even took me days just to finish reading the chapter on communicable diseases!

We started at around 10:30, I think. We took the exam at the Gusaling Villegas-AVR (It wasn't my idea of an AVR, though) with two people from the Guidance Center as our proctors. The first part of the exam was about the fundamentals of nursing. Well, it was okay. There are items I wasn't sure of. As I was answering the questions on Anatomy and (Patho) physiology, the lights suddenly went out.

At first, I heard a lot of sighs because of the inconvenience but seconds later, almost everyone in the room was talking! This is the perfect chance to get answers for the items you don't know and almost everybody did it. My seatmates and I compared some of the items and was pleased with the unanimity of our answers. It was really funny because it's as if we're just fooling around. Minutes later, we were asked to leave the room so they can fix it for us. Of course, this is another chance to go over our reviewers for the items we don't know. This is very unusual that it made some of us think that it was deliberately done. Oh well.

We were then asked to transfer to another room and that was the only time that I really felt I was taking an exam. The darn room we got in was sooo uncomfortable! Anyway, I was left on my own from that moment until I finished the exam. The rest of it wasn't so annoying except for STS, Health Ethics and Health Economics. I hate those subjects, honestly. The Math part of the exam did not turn out as what I've expected, luckily, but I still hated it, simply because it's MATH!

We finished at around 1:30pm and I know I'm famished. To get the tension off our tired minds, Karen, Tin, Gene, Deon, Jestoni and I decided to go to Rob Place to eat. We talked a lot about almost everything that we missed out on each other during the last term. We were just chilling out the rest of the afternoon. Well, it could've been nicer if only the others were there to join us.

The fun part ends there TEMPORARILY because we still have to wait for another week for the results to be released. I am surely hoping for the best for all of us.

Man, I sure can't wait to wear that white uniform again, but this time, with a nurse's cap on.

KITA-KITS TAYO SA CAPPING???

To You, Who Never Fails to Upset Me

2005-04-14T16:30:00.000+08:00

To you, who never fails to upset me. To you, who has always become the constant source of my bittersweet memories.

Just when I was about to enter into an agreement with myself that I will give my 100% attention to psych myself up for the qualifying exams, I came to learn and realize (again!) something I wish I had not. Heck! Why does it always have to be this way?! You are ironically adorable with your skill in 'maiming' me. Yes, you have severely wounded me over and over again, and I am close to becoming emotionally frozen. No, I guess I'm on that stage already.

I'm well aware of the fact that this isn't your fault. You're just doing what you're supposed to do with your life. You just want to be who you really think you are and I can't do anything to stop you from realizing it. It's just that I feel helpless whenever I find myself in that circumstance. I still find myself immersed into this pit of confusion. You're haunting me. You seem to always know the way to get to me.

Then again, I still can't find a way to close this cycle. I was told that I can do something about it but still, I always choose to be in it.

I was told to gather my senses together and just leave the cursed situation I'm in. Not right now. Or maybe never. I don't want to think of anything either. I guess I'm not yet ready. For what? That, I still don't know. I'll bear with you for now. If things won't change, I'd still choose to endure you.

If it is this cycle that makes me human (in my personal view of the word), then I don't see the need of closing the cycle at all.

Sino ka kaya? Bwahehehe ;D

Almost there

2005-04-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

The second semester may be over now but I still can't feel relaxed. All the pressure is still here, worse, it's building up inside me and it's all because of that EXAM. Yes, an exam in the middle of your summer vacation. Anyway, I have all my classcards with me now and I'm partly satisfied with the grades I've got. No 'one-point-something', even in Physical Education. Great.

I've been relying on this 3-unit subject to help me get a better GWA, but to no avail. What's making me grumble up to this point is my grade in English. Sure, I'm no genius when it comes to English, but my activities were all good. Out of the 60% oral grade, I got 54.33. That would be a big help. As for my written activities, I failed to get half of the total score, thanks to my stupid sister whom I asked to answer the exercises for me. I didn't know that would affect my final grade a lot. Yeah, yeah, I sound like a loser. Never mind.

I don't want to expect anything :-(

Gone

2005-04-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

I'm not trying to sound pious or like a devout Roman Catholic. In fact, I am not in the habit of hearing Mass on Sundays. I feel bored and irritated when the Holy Week is on. I don't feel happy like a usual Roman Catholic will when Christmas is being celebrated, and I no longer see the need to elaborate who I really am in terms of faith. You get the picture.
I graduated from a Catholic School and was appalled when it came to me that I'm like this -- a 'pseudo-Roman Catholic'. I don't know if I should feel bad and guilty or still hold my head high despite all these. Nonetheless, I believe I have a compassionate heart. I may be very lazy when it comes to my responsibilities as a Roman Catholic but I am a Christian by deed and belief. Just trust me on that.
When I first heard of the news that Pope John Paul II was hospitalized for a respiratory infection, something dark came over me. I don't have an idea of what it is. I just felt that something bad and sad is drawing near, whatever it is. The second time he was hospitalized, the feeling was still there but I was partly relieved of that scary feeling when I learned he had a tracheotomy . 'Sure it'll help him. He'll be okay,' I said to myself reassuringly. When I heard again from a late night news that he was being fed through a nasogastric tube, the dark feeling set in again. At his age, 'that thing' seemed almost imminent. 'Goodness, it's just a feeding tube, not a life-support system. You're just being paranoid', I heard myself saying.
I was reviewing for a final examination with my 'twin' when I learned that the Pontiff had septic shock. I was taken aback with what I heard, A septic shock secondary to his Urinary Tract Infection. A disease of the neurologic system-Parkinson's Disease. Age 84. Surely, he'll have to go. Remembering a topic in one of our subjects, a septic shock is already grave, a fatal condition. The infection has gone so far that it has affected his systems severely. It was time for him to go, I know.
I religiously watched CNN for updates onhis condition. I was surprised to see myself acting like this. It's not that I'm not capable of sympathizing with the rest of the world in this crisis. There must be something about him that really touched me. At 9:37 pm, local time in Rome, Pope John Paul II was called back home. He hasgone to a place much better than this world of ours. The world has suddenly stopped moving. Everyone was gathered in prayer, even non-Catholics. The world was united in prayer and mourning for the first time, it seemed, and it's all because of him.
At first, I acted like it wasn't something worth becoming sad of. His death was imminent and I am well aware of that. Hours later, I found myself being shrouded by an overpowering sadness. My dad was still watching CNN for more updates on the Pontiff's death. I felt sad whenever I see pictures of him. He has died and I was affected by it. His death reminded me of a grandparent's death, though I haven't experienced that.
The Catholic Church did not only lost its leader for he is more than a leader to all of us. That, I am sure of.
May his soul find eternal peace and rest.
He'll be dearly missed by all of us...

Wow

2005-03-30T16:04:00.000+08:00

We are to take our final examinations today in MCN-I and BaCon-B. I started reviewing these major subjects since Black Saturday. I am dead tired because I only had 2 hours of sleep and this is the third day. Serves me right. This is the first time this semester that I studied and took my subjects seriously (or so I thought).
I've been experiencing muscle spasms lately. My facial muscles and thighs quiver without any stimulation. I find it funny at first because I looked stupid, especially when my brows move by itself, but now I don't. Okay, enough of that.
After the exam, Ma'am Agravante (our BaCon-B instructor) decided to tell us our grades in our clincal exposure in the Nursery. I felt confident (for the first time) that I will get a good grade because I was a bit satisfed with my performance. I got 85 and that will be included in the computation of our grades for MCN-I. Wow, I might actually pass my MCN-I. Great.
My only problem now is Pathophysiology. My head hurts whenever I think of it. I haven't prepared myself in anyway for our final exam. My midterm grade in that subject is... Never mind.
Anyway, all these will come to an end soon. Wow...

Tangled

2005-03-24T17:47:00.000+08:00

There is no coherence in this writing, I reckon. Anyway, just let me express my frustrations. I've held onto these for quite sometime.
I'm not really in to the habit of complaining, you see. I can go on doing my usually hard tasks without even uttering a single word under my breath. You can make me do anything and I'll do it for you gladly.
But that was 4 years ago.
Now, I cuss at the slightest mistakes. I use swear words as often as I can, so often compared to saying a prayer *sigh*. Mama would be really furious if she reads this. I grumble at the simple things my parents ask me to do. I can't last a day without dwelling on the thought of how life has been punishing me for the past few months. I won't let a day pass by without sighing for simpler times.
And I feel so different. This isn't me, I know. Everything has suddenly become so chaotic, unpleasant, complicated and distressing, and I don't even know if it's the world or just me. I am being the grumpy person I used to hate. I have become, suddenly, angst-ridden. And I've become more serious than ever. Great.
Darn! I wish I could find logical consistencies and reasons for all these. I've been tangled in a web of inconsistencies lately and I hate me for that. My clear thinking has been obscured. I hope this is just one of my compensatory mechanisms.

BEWARE OF ASSHOLES

2005-03-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

Beware of Assholes. This one I know is visible every Thursday from 9am-1pm. If you don't want to ruin your day, better avoid this horrible being.
Damn! This is the worst P.E. subject I've ever taken! It's not that it's about dancing. As a matter of fact, I've already taken Modern Jazz and it was so cool I'd recommend you to try it. It's the stupid instructor who's actually making my head ache.
ASSHOLE. LOSER. Yep, that's her. A full-blown loser and an asshole. Her looks discloses the sinisterness in her. She thinks she dances gracefully. She looks down on us so much that I remember my equally-evil professor in AnaPhy last semester, Pam. It all started with this cassette tape we used in one of our performances. It was a compilation of different songs for various ballroom dances. Judging by the way I saw her eyes sparkle at the sight of it, she liked the cassette tape. We would've given the tape to her gladly, had she only been nice to us. She didn't even ask us if we are still going to use it. She just DEMANDED (yes, demanded) us to give her the tape for her future use. Surprised with that attitude, we were like, forced, to say yes.
The following meeting, she asked again for the tape, which Maan (a friend and classmate) deliberately left home. I swore I almost laugh when I saw her dismayed look. She reminded us to bring it next meeting. Maan and I were exchanging furtive looks and wicked smiles. I was feeling a bit evil but it felt really good, seeing her getting annoyed. Mainis siya hanggang sa gusto niya!
This asshole has an incredible memory for things she seriously wants. Again, Maan told her that she left it at home. We really got into her nerves this time. Just before the class started, she gathered all of us and announced that the following Thursday will be set for our final practical test. Of course, I was more than glad that this waste of time will soon come to a close.
This is where the real surprise comes in.

She wanted us to wear costumes for our performance but withdrew the idea, out of fear that it might become an issue. Little did we know that she'll use this opportunity to get back at us. Her exact words: "Wag na lang tayo mag-costume kasi baka maging issue pa yan, ano? Alam nyo na, baka kasi yung iba sa inyo magpabili pa ng damit. E yung iba nga sa inyo e, tape lang, hindi pa maibigay."

Upon hearing that, Maan and I looked at each other, well-aware that she was pertaining to us. Maybe she was thinking that we might feel ashamed because of that.Wrong. I even looked at her straight in the eye. I was listening to her attentively and I know she's observing the two of us. Right after her dull announcement, I asked Maan if she's going to give her the damn tape. Up to now, I still don't know her answer.
I can't believe someone like her is an instructor. She feels and thinks she's superior. I bet we even know more than she does! Recently, we've just evaluated her. You might be thinking that I flunked her. Don't get me wrong. I evaluated her OBJECTIVELY. I could've done things my way but I chose not to because I felt that I'm lowering myself down to her level if I'll deprive her of an accurate evaluation.

Fortunately for me, her performance was just way inferior, so I guess it didn't make any difference at all, whether the evaluation was done subjectively or objectively.

RELEASE! RELEASE!

2005-03-11T19:16:00.000+08:00

Special thanks to Uncle Spongebob (ha!) for helping me with my layout. A box of GoNuts Donuts for this one! ;)